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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Last days in the heliosphere

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According to our files, the terrestrial day 2/2/2222, a final spaceship was sent to the Sun; the inhabitants of the once called Earth almost disappeared because of mysterious causes, that they called diseases.

Is argued until today if were 200 or 20 the last survivors of the Earth who sent the spaceship: apparently didn't remain other intelligent animals on the planet, but them.
Is not important what happened with those 20 (or 200) survivors who stayed on the Earth...probably they died soon after the rocket was sent...

The rocket was sent with 15 (some specialists say 150) males.
They were the last sample of their species, or what we commonly know as Adamites, or Terracottites (they used to call themselves humans).


The rocket was sent to the Sun, as I stated before, Sun which, as you know, is that extremely distant planet we see in clear nights, without necessity of telescopic cerebral insertion. Curiously the Adamites called it Sun, as we do, though with little local variants, according to their primitive tribes, for example sole, sol, soleil, sonne; etc.
Actually our knowledge about these primitive beings is not complete yet, possibly in some years we will know if they communicated themselves mentally as we do, fact that is very probable.

But back then, The Sun was in ignition, as you know, therefore they did not settle their spaceship directly on the Sun, just on a near planetoid, that they called Aphrodite.

That planetoid imploded long time ago...apparently (...) these males found an enigmatic way to reproduce themselves without females, and experimented shortly this male-to-male insemination, but they had to escape, some time later, when the planetoid was bound to implode...
Is unknown where they went, though.

We have certain details about the last moments of these Adamites on the planetoid, right before their escape, and the subsequent implosion.
The exact quantity of time they stayed on Aphrodite is 11 of what they used to call years, according to the way how they measured the planetary cycles.
11 years are approximately 3.6 of our chipolats.

As it seems, during the last garchas (what they called weeks), the weather of the planetoid turned into unbearable: the excessive closeness to the Sun was overloading Aphrodite with fototas and protongos, nocive radiations that made the temperature go mad, until the 67º grück (90ºc for them), everything was burning on the planetoid.























They installed, in those 11 years there, some antennas for solar observation...

















...but the investigations were abandoned during the eleventh "year", the last one: the ardour of the Sun got so intense that some of them lost their mind, and used to run enraged across the arid prairies of Aphrodite, imploring and adoring the huge ball in flames, that was extremely near, and it was frying their brains.


















Luckily enough, the atmosphere of Aphrodite allowed them to breath normally, almost like on the "Earth".
The Aphrodite nights were hot and short, and multitude of dangerous animals appeared, when the unbearable heat of the day was momentarily gone: the terraqueous had to defend themselves from these tremendous beasts, most of them huge and lethal toads, as big and fat as their spaceship: these giant toads ejected venom from their mouths, though their meat was delicious: the Adamites used to hunt them down.











During the minimal night, the Sun still was seen, in all its huge dimension, though its light was cold and tenuous, then: this planetary phenomenon still is unexplained for us.
Data suggest that the planetoid was inhabited by a little civilization when the humans arrived, though is sure that didn't last: they exterminated it soon, probably.









The Sun, after the long twilights on that brutal land, was just an eclipsed, near and huge sphere turning at high speed in the hot nights, still giving its bestial heat...





At least one man (armed with a primitive weapon they called laser needle) had to stay out, keeping the spaceship safe from the toads...many times furious toads walked until the spaceship, and started shaking it with bestial rage with their abdomens, until they were shot down.
The abdomens were full of a yellow and sticky semen that splashed everything around when the toads exploded: the Adamites said that the toads were full of mayonnaise, unknow term that seems like an insult, or maybe meant something abstract, or religious for these savages, the term, mayonnaise is still unclear for the scientists, possibly its meaning is deeper, astral perhaps.




















Some horrible nights there were eclipses (it happened quite often), and the aspect of the sky was tenebricose. It was a terrible land, extreme, monstrous.

























The dawns were abominable: the heat was so intense and the light so blinding that some of these humans started getting hallucinations and oligophrenia, due to excess of light.

















Besides of the spaceship, they built a dome, with silicon.
Into the dome they had computers, and could calculate the variations of temperature in the cunt of the Sun: the hottest region of that horrid globe on fire was the clitoris of the Sun.

























Also they built a small satellite, which only was used in the short nights, to calculate the ardency of the anus of the Sun.














Apparently on the anal and vaginal rings of the globe were verified unseen temperatures.





















During the day, the dome received the solar emissions directly, rejecting them by means of a mirrorized dispositive.





















Later, were built a couple of smaller domes in silicon, where the Adamites lived, having conditioning air and bedrooms.




















Missing the sex with Adamite females, they built many prototypes of synthetic females to fuck; the prototypes were built in silicon, like the domes.








These love cyborgs had soft cunts and huge breasts, they were so realistic that soon the Adamites got infatuted with them, dedicating most of the time to fuck.

















The days were more and more ardent and unbearable, and the terraqueous were totally lost in their erotomania, they were getting delirious, and some of them died by heart attack, due to the excess of sex.









During the last year, the Adamites were so over-erotized that they were totally controlled by the sexual desire, fucking the silicon prototypes all day and all of the night non stop, and some more died exhausted...







Yes, the heat was unbearable, and they were getting like animals; those days were strange...



















_________________________
The eleventh day of the eleventh year at the eleventh hour there were two eclipses at the same time, the temperature reached the 110ºc, everybody found shelter into a subterranean tunnel of the biggest dome, that was especially fresh...





















...notwithstanding, at this stage, most of the Adamites were semi-insane, into their world of silicon orgasms and fried brains, someone got out of control and switched the levitation mode into the dome...they were flying...raving, everything was collapse, dementia, madness, nonsense, football...



















...soon, that same night the alarm was activated: the planetoid was in collapse, the countdown to the implosion was on: some escaped by means of ejecters toward the ample cosmos, in the direction of a planet they called Mercury.




















...just a little while after, the spaceship was leaving Aphrodite, escaping, with only 4 male survivors, and 25 babies and children, who were born in the planetoid (because they discovered the male-to-male insemination)...





The computerized controls of the rocket showed a blue light and a map to follow...from that moment onward, any trace of the humans was lost in this Universe...











Is unknown where they went, them, the last humans in the Universe; and is unknown if they finally were extinguished, or...found a way to survive?
how?
WHERE?









Thursday, January 14, 2010

Semblance

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Will try to say something about myself now: well, my family comes from the mountains of Cangues d'Tinéu, minimum village, lost somewhere in the depths of the principality of Asturies, northern Spain: the comarque of Cangues d'Tinéu is inhabited by elves, giants, nymphs, dwarves, harpies, phantasmal spectres and any sort of hirsute creatures, who share brusquely the environment with the few humans (hirsute too) who durst to live over there since the dawn of the times.
The weather of the comarque is hot and dry, the winters are polar though, and these peculiar characteristics arouse, dare one say, a rather laconic, if not brutal idiosyncrasy on the aboriginal, and according to said idiosyncrasy I was raised: the only vocable I knew until my eleventh year of life was "MU", moment when I started going to school.
Due to a rampant and strange ability to read everything at high speed, I turned into an unbearable prick in two years, since my first scholar incursion, and realising about the animality of my family, started treating them with a patronising, almost condescending tone, situation that reached its last straw when I started walking them, tied, by the neighbourhood.
Searching for something of that primeval thrill, decided to reply to the call of the blood, and traveled world, toward that old Asturies, to see what the fuck.
The world turned into a small handkerchief to me, and just arrived to Cangues d'Tinéu, had to fight against two powerful dwarves, a muscular giant, and a menacing and evil black-fairy, monsters that finally I could beat, thanks to a thing called Winchester. Not to name three harpies who everyday passed by, flying, and shat on my meal (I was living in the wilderness back then, in January, with -25ºc): with a mechanical device could finally catch and tie those annoying harpies, and tied, took them -myself- to the council of Cangues d'Tinéu, giving them to the only police officer of the comarque, who put the harpies under arrest.
Let's add that in the principality of Asturies, there are only 5 police officers, because it's a very tranquil region: the only problem is the numerous quantity of mythologic beings who over populate the province, and who, often, arouse incidents, mostly due to their primitive, bestial instincts.
Besides, the rainy condition of the mountain jungles of the province, such humidity, turn ogres, fairies, giants and elves into lecherous and perverse creatures, frequently: is not seldom seen the national army intervening to quench the appetite for sex and violence of these abominable desperadoes who, after all, are citizens.
Already is said in the Asturian proverb: "Like ogre giving you head, like elf breaking your arse", and such atmosphere of permanent violence and scandal turned the region into the most retarded part of the country.
Besides of this (aggressive environment and personal background that one way or another influenced my whole existence), I am currently starting a pitiful artistic career as musician, though my merseybeat a go-go is barely appreciated in Asturies, due to the age of the population, mostly over the 80 years old, being the oldest population of the world: some Asturian aboriginals can live until the 190, 250 and even 300 years, with a good diet.
Considering the next steps in my career, maybe could turn my art into something more shocking, like Goebbels said: "Lie, lie: something will remain", I was considering start making 'noise' music a la Masonna, or Merzbow; or maybe paintings with shit.
Time will tell, my esteemed.

Much affection: Dani G.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Manolo DuTronc: from the 60s a go-go to the heavy metal monster: a story of excesses

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Jacques Manwell Du Tronc was born in La Guyanne in 194...
As his mother used to say, he was born into a kettle, and since his most tender childhood he felt that his family was a bit different: himself was born being a nerd.




















Also his mother, Pabla Alberta Le Pen-Du Tronc, was a little strange.




















On the other hand, his father, Rodondendro Matilda Du Tronc, had constant problems with his health: he had two hearts, and a tit on his forehead.



















Jacques Manwell (error of their parents, who wanted to name him 'Manuel', but just wrote it wrong, because they were analphabets), he, was called 'Manolo' from his tender childhood, and loved to play guitar (also he played with his ass): here is the first band he formed with his neighbours: 'The Retards': it was 1964, and the 'Beatlemania' was leaving everybody stupid.















Being older, Manolo Du Tronc formed many bands of pop 'a go-go', like 'The Dukes of The Nonsene': as can be seen on the picture, their expensive outfits and silly but difficult stage pyrotechnics made them abandon.



















After this idiocy, Manolo formed several bands a go-go, like 'The Losers', 'The Brisks'...







...the duet 'Two are Multitude', with Bernardo Neustadt...























Or 'Los Fliters', in Spain (band that was dipersed several times by the Franquist police, by means of flamethrowers, and all the members were finally sent to jail, and kept without water to drink, and with a stick encrusted into the arse during 4 weeks)...










...Another band was 'Fast Wank', formed in an excursion of Manolo to the UK.
Their style was too sensual, and they were banned, and finally all the members had to exile in the Corporative Republic of the Communist Peoples of Zimbabwe.















The drummer, especially, who was a ladiesman, was sent to jail for immorality during 42 years: in fact he was released one week ago.









The last band Manolo formed was called 'Sucking socket', they played some gigs in France & Italy, but the bassist, Richard Nixon died horribly electrocuted during a show: he was carbonised alive, in the middle of the audience's laughter (they thought it was a stage trick).












Truly tired and sad with so much disaster, Manolo decided to start a solo career as pop idol for teen girls: he recorded a single, but the sales were nonexistent, Manolo was desperate, he didn't know what to do anymore (is in this right moment when he started doing drugs, especially injectable bleech, and smokeable gomina).
Nonetheless, the destiny would give him a hand...



















One night, totally alcoholized at the miserable club 'Il Pasticchio', in Paris, Manolo was dancing without pants, and suddenly appeared the Paraguayan performer 'Margarito Tereré' on stage, who introduced a brand new show of heavy mental, absolute novelty for the time: the noisy music, the leather and the sado-masochist outfits made Manolo freak out: immediately returned home, and composed 79 songs in one night, all 'heavy metal' styled, already he found his north and orientation: would take it to the extreme.














Suddenly Manolo Du Tronc changed his look, that for the 70s was very outrageous and menacing, wearing black leather and sunglasses of cunt.
Manolo recorded 97 demos, all rejected by 798 record companies, but he didn't surrender...





















In that moment Manolo Du Tronc had a personality crisis, and started wearing strange sunglasses and a look a la Rod Stewart (famous rocker of the time): his music changed: from heavy mental, to 'progressive-techno-heavy metal-experimental-proto punk'.
He started playing live with a band of midgets who used to set their arses on fire during the shows: this was called his 'experimental epoch'.










...The shows became too strange at the time, the 'punk rock' already started and the people wanted outrage and insults, but Manolo just gave them 'space rock' and experimental bullshit...Manolo was totally into the alcohol in this epoch, and he wished to put all his alcoholic nightmares on a stage, using FX, guillotines, plastic boas that devoured him live, and vomited him, midgets disguised as aliens from the outer space, the musicians had sex on stage, hogs and goats were sacrificed live, and also were celebrated black masses on stage, with Manolo as Pope.
Back then he used to wear 50 cm. heels, and he started using another shocking trick on stage: walking on chickens with his huge heels, shattering the poor animals alive: the affair appeared on TV and Manolo was accused of perverse, and sent to jail during one year: his 'experimental epoch' ended brusquely.


In 1980 he was released from jail, and came back, hungry for 'la revanche': then changed drastically his look, as the image shows:
















Manolo was furious, angry, he was another person, an animal, yes that: he was an animal.



Within an inch and quickly, Manolo Du Tronc formed a band to make 'heavy mental', the name he chose was quite uninspired: 'Storm Warrior': Manolo recruited some wankers, low life and offenders, and could finally release his first album: 'The cunt of your mama', album that reached a fulminatory success in Europe, but that was banned in US, appearing his censored version only, as seen on the picture:




















A second album, idiotically named 'Heavy metal fire' was released, with frenetic success all over the world, and millionaire sales: Manolo Du Tronc finally had a marathonic world tour during 24 months non-stop, playing in places like Mongolia, Perú, the Belgian Congo, or the town of Canelones, Uruguay: Manolo reached the status of a myth, and was called 'the new Alice Cooper', by a newspaper, but he rejected that moniker, and did set the newspaper's building on fire. Finally he was not sent to jail, because he was a famous now.






















...In 1985 someone said, on a TV show, that Manolo looked like a female singer (the name of the singer is not important for the story), showing a video, and comparing Manolo Du Tronc with that singer...unfortunately Manolo was watching that programme, and full of ire, furor and fueled by 15 litres of Asturian cider, ran to the TV station with his band, decided to anything...




















This is the right moment when Manolo and the band arrive to the TV station: someone called for the police to stop the beast and his blood lust, but...





















...But it was too late: Manolo already found the guy who said that retarded gossip, and shattered him alive with his knife, and then, after this macabre, nefarious event, Manolo devoured the corpse of the poor journalist, raw and without salt.











Notwithstanding, Manolo was not sent to jail, because he, now, was quite a famous person.







After these horrific deeds, something made him finally abandon the music: in the middle of the winter he was making a huge penis with snow: suddenly had a heart attack, due to the cold: -49ºc, so he was sent in emergency to the hospital, where the doctors could barely save his life.
He did swear to abandon the rock music and the excess, because, as he said: it was a signal.



















One day after Manolo abandoned officially his career as outraging metalhead, an UFO abducted him, while he was walking by the street, this is the image:




























Here there is a second image from the abduction, taken from another angle, with a high-precision camera











Also his pet, a rheumatic kitten got terribly scared seeing the abduction, fact that was, like any supernatural thing, coming from the Sun, or maybe Venus, terrible and scary.























Nobody saw Manolo Du Tronc anymore, noBODY, ever, never; never ever.
You see now how a life of crimes and excesses ends, isn't?: somehow you'll got to pay: probably Manolo Du Tronc is in HELL now (I'm not sure, though), but yeah ladies & ladies: this is the wickeds' end.
And it's a sad, sad story indeed, but now I have to go prepare some churros, if you allow me to.
Thank you

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

HOTEL

HOTEL

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The Bintan Lagoon Resort hotel offers a range of deluxe accommodation to suit couples, families and groups. All 473 rooms, suites and villa accommodation within the resort. If you go to the tropical paradise of Bintan Lagoon Resort. Set amongst more than 300 hectares of beachfront gardens, this deluxe Bintan resort offers a world of choice. Ideally situated just 55 minutes by high speed ferry from Singapore, Bintan Lagoon Resort overlooks the South China Sea and archipelago of the Riau islands.
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Banyu Biru offers 36 lovely self-contained villas suitable for families and groups. There are three attractive designs ranging from two-bedroom to three-bedroom villas, all fully furnished and equipped with kitchen facilities.

Pool Villa Bayan Tree
A private sanctuary designed for 2, the Pool Villa features a private garden as well as a 45 sqm sized private swimming pool. Look up into the dazzling sky from your open-air bathtub set in a charming Lotus pond, or take in some sun in the pool sized lounger while you work on your tan. Banyan Tree have DoublePool Villa, flanked by perfumed gardens, exudes an aura of hedonistic bliss and is uniquely suited for optimum lounging. Retreat in splendid isolation from the pulsating drive of city life, to the peaceful landscaped gardens enveloping your private enclave. You’d need little persuasion to soak in the golden rays, or indulge in a lazy dip in the charming tropical style wade pool. Your companion in the meantime, is bent on some serious lap action in the main pool, and is not above surprising you with a romantic late supper for two.