Since I can remember I was an absurdist, in the Camus or Kierkegaard vein, possibly this characteristic took me to act in a way that the people many times didn't understand. Many times (mostly), behind a weird, borderline basic, sometimes too allegoric sense of humor, there is a message, a symbol which is reflecting about the futility of the existence, and about all the injustices and the nonsense that this life of ours seems to be, only ruled by the fortuitous: agents of fortune that don't belong to the realms of the intelligent or the intentional, only to the casual.
I would like this were different, would like an universe ruled by an intelligent and sensible love, without unfairness and suffering; a world where the dreamers were not scorned and where we could wait for something else than the predictable mediocrity and cruelty, and something else than that blind coldness of the impersonal concatenation of facts we are living in: the blindness and deafness of an universe that seems to be a meaningless void, without an aim, which is looking at us, without seeing, and without understanding or feeling a thing.
About my brothers the humans, deep inside I love them all equally, sometimes we are like the blind universe each other, many times our sense is stupid and we become unfair and wrong; we hurt and we hate without a reason, disliking the others just because that is an easy thing to do, safe, and we don't lose anything in the process.
But I still hope we will learn to love, but really.
About the feeling and the concept of a life without a meaning, of an universe buried into the futile and the absurd lack of reason to be, I just will keep on believing, hoping: maybe loving is the only way to obtain a (at least moral, or nominal) victory on the death, on the nonsense and on the cold oblivion: our only way to shout at the death and to the final nothing; and in the end, to obtain our eternity.
But we should keep on hoping -even with a bleeding heart broken in pieces- that the existential futility was defeated, already, somewhere.
Maybe within another cosmic reality.
